awkwardMoments

i will start where i was going on my last post that i took down when i was placed between what i can call a fling & my current beau in one of my favorite cafe's in seattle. i felt guilt when i know i have done nothing wrong-But Movingon from that relationship& dismantled trust. a few years back my PTSD was more acute& i had more triggers than i do now; my anger was reflected off of being reactive to my environment rather than accepting my environment & who i am.

triggers can be anything from someone's voice, smell& touch to street traffic, screaming & your garden variety flashbacks, the same types of flashbacks that they are currently treating soldiers coming back from iraq with. i was a different person in my late 20's-having very little belief in my own abilities; & knowing that love is not a consequence, cause love shouldn't be. people who suffered from PTSD or what was once called shell shock; have been greatly ignored up until nineeleven when PTSD became hip the way bipolar was for the last 20 years.

most people that suffer from PTSD either refuse treatment or think that they can wish their triggers away; i had acute triggers for most of my life-that was constantly setOff by toxic relationships, emotional abuse by family & poor decision making. for me the poor decision making came from Not believing that ihad the Right to Respect& Love. 2 essential things everyone has the Right to & sadly to say i didn't get. when someone has triggers they refuse tocope with several things can happen, & for the record Trust is one of the hardest things for someone with PTSD to do; Why because trauma destroys this boundary, that when one has

PTSD is like rebuilding the berlin wall. a few years ago i had a fling with a guy that treated me like i was part of his annual trustFund-& an asset rather than a person. he saw how vounerable i was &took advantage; by settingUp his webcam along with laptop in his bedroom, after i had repeatedly said No it was private. needlessly to say my weak boundary was something he didn't respect. as hard as this mayBe to understand i have forgiven him for this Tryst of my respect; why because i No longer hold onto something that is painful.

PostTraumaticStressDisorder patients usually have more than this one aspect; as fibromyalgia & irritable bowl syndrome have been linked; as these 2 are offsets of the initial illness & both are caused byTrauma also linked with stress. i can admit that i dated some Realwinners for a while, usually men who talked out of bothSides of their mouths, men who had unhealthy relationships themselves& some like the fling i was with last summer who had acute PTSD but believed that he could willAway his illness; as he didn't want to getHelp as lashing out in anger @ me was easier than finding the Realsource for Why he was acting that way.

i leave ya'll with this-next time you see someone react ask yourself if your boundaries where destroyed by trauma if you wouldn't act the sameWay? ask yourself if you ever had flown off the handle rather than communicating because it was easier than cooling off & talking about the issues later when the situation has shifted. learn what i did-establish boundaries for yourself & keep them...wonderful things might happen if you do.

http://www.ptsdalliance.org
http://www.webmd.com