RandomFridayThought

the last few weeks i have attempted to date a guy that appeared to someone Trulyspecial-he couldn't see the forest for the tree's. the guy i dated reminded me of my own behavior 3years ago. when i couldn't see theLove someone had for me, and pushed it away. he feared intimacy and after wonderfulnight together that began with us strolling through blueberry fields-picked a fight. something i did for years, with my PTSD. WHY- allow someone to get close when i could just push them away. this is a common behavior of people with aspects of PTSD.

intimacy is a trigger with certain types of trauma; sex was a trigger for me for years. i would usually lashout @ the guy for no reason the nextday or that night. with my firstserious boyfriend i would end up crying in bed during sex-and he would have to remind me of where i was. it worked so well that i was able to be more and more present with my feelings in bed where i was.

theGuy i was dating did the samething-but shut me out, became hostile& mad, i won't be friends with him. an expectation he will need to recognize that everyonehas different boundaries. boundaries are healthy, it means that i will only allow certain behavior into my life; & certain people. what i recognize is that i may losepeople along the way; that's okay that just means they're not meant to be in my life. ce la vie! for the firstTime in my life i know what i want. that feels great-to know what i want. right now i'd settle for finding my new apartment& finding a healthyGuy that can Embrace the present withMe.

for a understanding of post traumatic stress disorder i have enclosed some links:
american psyachiatric association website: http://www.psych.org/public_info/ptsd.cfm
PTSD alliance foundation: http://www.ptsdalliance.org/home2.html