it's quite comfortable//really

i have been fighting writer's block recently; something i was told in college was fictitious & didn't exist. thinking about this past year & intuition, i didn't listen/ignored. since beginning to write this journal many things have changed. among them my own choices about relationships, sex & trust. i have spent most of the past 6 months in & out physical therapy. i have had to face the Why in my choices. i know the answers to many of the Why's & how's. my trust was literally& physically destroyed this past spring; i failed to listen to my intuition when obvious was Right in front of me.

i parked my ideas of dating-focused on the repetition of 9-5 & what i Actually want; no instant gratification included. my small intimate living room was filled with warm glasses of glogg & meatballs recently as i was having my annual saint lucia get together. i now can use the words cheeky &randy without getting odd looks & people don't understand why people bond over soccer. i say What Ever. chelsea tied arsenal last weekend & we're 9 pts ahead in epl table. i've developed an affliction for a handsome, quiet rival team fan. yep. i am hearing slogans of guilt like branding irons. my other crush prefers baked on tans & small shovels (but that's another entry.)

things have been so interesting in my life lately, i decided to change locations, places & things-upon this dark and dreary afternoon-deciding to have fabulous mocha and prayed that a warm room would be empty. i was filled with The Most dimwitted conversation i have heard for a long time& and arrogance that made my stomach turn. i am Writer not a "writer" this arrogant group of people where the parenthesis kind; most of their "meeting" entailed up man ship & tmi. i had a tough time NOT interjecting in their contest about of up-man-ship.

the male "writer" in the group someone who reeked of the upper west side-had his east coast smugness intact & thinks that a certain bridged "island" is magnificent even after making the other parties uncomfortable he continued. i can however relate to this as i was attempted to join a similar "writing group" where writing copy was sexier than actual writing. i had the privilege of seeing this season's credit card debt up close & personal recently as i was @ an Actual Mall for a brief 30 minutes-meeting a friend. the excitement of all that credit card debt & gold diggers wearing CFM shoes they could barely walk in(you fill in the blanks.)

being trapped in malls & constant bombardment of storms life has been on the dull side lately. that is how i like it. i am not hunting for a new years screw-the one i had last year made such an impression on me that i had to spend most of the last year in physical therapy (i am not looking for a RE-run.) ringing 07 will be done solo-if i am in the company of a man he will get 17th century peck on the cheek & brush off.

i have been practicing the brush off lately-getting pretty good @ it-saved from a disaster night of 8th grade sex& random misanthropes. i like my bed solo; feeling as if i am practically wearing a chastity belt-& it's quite comfortable. Really.

i'd like to thank:
-Swedish/anonymous donations that aided in wiping away the $11,000 Hole!! :0*
-my friends who have been there regardless of 8th grade drama in my life.
-the few guys i know who have grace & honesty ya'll rock.
- favorite bartenders in my favorite bar who just knows how to ease the pain of physical therapy.
-whoever mysteriously placed money in my company account this last year unexpectedly.
-favorite business owners & barista's that make Seattle kewl!
-for those I love. have a *awesome* holiday!
for anyone i may have missed-may your new year & holiday season rock!