hollo'd anniversaries

over a decade ago in a locked dorm room i was raped for hours by someone i trusted-it's how i lost my Virginity-he left my body bruised &sitting was painful for weeks. the entire act was pre-meditated down to his roommates being gone & making sure that i showered away the only evidence he thought i had on me-on an intimate part of my body i have scar a reminder of what happened.

in college i studied feminist theory-classes dealing with the whole idea of being female in modern society-i would take off the modern see previous entry. as the destroying of a woman's reputation still goes after her sexuality going back2 the bible. women's sexuality matters more than her job, earnings & social standing(see current beattle divorce.) surfing through local Craigslist rant/rave section shows a disturbing misrepresentation of how men not only Objectify women but also how fewRespect women. flashFriday a new way for men addicted toOnline porn to share their pictures often of what looks like under age girls& over-airbrushed porn models. i often wonder how many of them whereForced into what these men post.(that's entirely different topic..)

sexuality however goes deeper than white wedding dresses--it's Not something a flashy designer thought of. in the early part of the 1500 women where Expected to be Virgins on the wedding night as a sign ofPurity; the dress is a long lasting symbol of women's sexuality& virginity.

it's alluded to in glossy magazines where sexual positions are dished out like a new wardrobe having NO info regarding sexual transmitted infections, having sex using protection & lastly that getting tested regularly(next to the article.) i have been subscribing to webmd since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia four years ago-this week in my inbox a disturbing article showed up-that needs to be read: http://www.webmd.com/content/article/128/117129.htm

i am tip toeing my way back into dating-am proud say that i have yet 2 be careless, passionate or naked besides anyone but myself. i do have2 thank my first serious bf who showed up over a decade ago-& had the most incredible hugs, patience holding my hand during flashbacks from the rape-telling me i was safe when they would errupt. loved& devoured me afterwards. i am grateful for patience& his persistance in telling me that i was beautiful when i couldn't look past the flashBacks. ThankYou!

the Believer is Happy-the Doubter is Wise. greek proverb