zero2infinity

i sat between the empire state building & nyu-watching students, potpourri of tourists armed to the teeth with cameras. it was an afternoon @ dean& deluca in the village filled with law school exams; crammed reading & writers & shoppers. to me it was nyu the way i remember, swirled with sirens, students & blue sky. most people take vacations to slow, sedate places-where everything is different from where they are. to me ny is the juxtaposition to where i currently live. rushed, subway turnstiles, extended hands flagging down cabs& the bewilderedTourist.

my first day back in the tristate area i slept in-got accosted by humidity i had forgotten happens in april. walked around lower manhattan running into celebrity playboys, overdressed fleece wearing hipsters& gloss girls. since soHo lost, its fight with charFucks the dynamic has changed. a few other corporateWhore stores have moved into the neighborhood changing what was once an independent, artsy part of nyc into gloss girl's paradise. not only has lower manhattan become a place for tourists to make pilgrimages to ground zero; usually asking directions when they're less than 10blocks from it. i recently sat down with a friend of mine & we discussed the shifting dynamic of ground zero-for it's enough to see the empty space where the buildings once stood-watching your former lover with someone else-do you really need to see it up close?

nyc was everything i expected it to be; rushed-funny & hearing memorable conversations-sometimes so incredible stupid it was hard not to laugh. it is also the land of the 20 second crush; like a beautifulBoy i saw in midtown who wore an AbFab suit & rode a crappy bike. he was good looking butsensible& but heKnew how to wear aSuit; not the same as buying one. the consulate i guy i ran into in a midtown watering hole, we sat running social commentary on everyone else in the bar.

an espn play by play. i had an experience when i was taking the metroNorth back to nyc on an sunday afternoon-trapped next to a highsociety woman-across sat a trustFund brat, next to him was fatMan with no etiquette & his obvious suffering eating disorder wife who chirped on her cell phone for the entire 90minutes(a veryPersonal conversation.) faux-pas...to the point that when i reached 125th i fled up a few cars.

i had vacation NineOneOne feeling like it wouldn't come fast enough; then when i was there it didn't last long enough. i no longer define myself by a guy, in the beginning i did that often defining my reality through the eyes of my lovers rather than by me. that is what typical abusers do, narrow your own perspective & adjust how you should feel. when i was back east; it was just visiting home-when i thought i was lost i usually wasn't. it made me want to find someone healthy-not someone that plays that on tv.

it's like the fascination with the empire state building or ground zero& disneySquare(timesSquare) although they have become 3parts of nyc that has defined the city in the last few years. a few years back i was broken by a relationship-love no longer looked shiny after it ended. i know like riding the subway that i have right to my own personal boundaries, that i ask someone to move their backpack & to ask for directions. i define myself by what i accomplish. riding the 7-& getting to queens in record time-i knew what i was doing. ialso knew 2months ago-that i noLonger wanted to be with a sugarcoatedWimp (insert artificalsweetner here.)

a good relationship is based on mutual trust & respect doesthe same thing. i ran into a fling from last summer in a very hip part of the city; the chemistry was still there. if you read this look me up. life's to short to not forgive those who deserveIt. my new favorite tshirt has the sign of zero on the front & sign of infinity on the back-not everything needs a label, category or a place, some things just are&are not. as shakespeare once said.

eastcoastLinks:
www.queensnewyork.com
www.mta.nyc.ny.us