RabbitFoot

for the last month i have been awakend by sharp, acute pain in my body; usually it's before sunrise-creepingup on me-i switch to the other side & stinging continues. since my last entry-a few things have happened & some that i cannot mention here. maybe, i should be relieved that i misplaced & misjudged the guy i was attempting to date. as each day i have reminder of the type of man he reallyWas.

omens come when i least expect it and this was no different; a few people have come back in my life. positive, good people-it all began last week-on a day that was very long-but became very positive in the end. life is just like that sometimes; you hit rockbottom & your friends are there to help you get through. that makes my days easier. people have come forward to comfort& i have gotten some wonderful hugs &support. i also have managed to get back to my favorite open mic; that was squelched the last couple of months. i have written some new pieces that i am really proud of. things don't feel fuzzy, not wondering if i have to see the savant make excuses to drink @ all hours of the day & listening to how he'd lie about where he was & with whom.

trust is something that has toBE earned-i don't serve it up on a platter, & when it's tested i feel less like granting Trust, because they are taking boundaries& me for granted. i remember the repetitive fights he & i had where he would treat me trust like bungeeCord, how far he could push me; then when i became upset he'd tell me that i wasn't Fair. when someone Claims they are Honest; usually means they'RE Not. the same goes for people that have constant need to over explain behaviors they know hurt you. when you do that you know what you've done. unless you're still 8 years old & learning consequences. i attended a concert recently; TheCrystalMethod-it will be annual event in my life, a reminder of how far i have come.

things are better-if last week is a sign-& theLove i have in my life, hugs-friends that have allowed me the space to cry& slowly start to heal. i am grateful that it's over. my path will noLonger consist of men who take me granted, who lie, cheat& steal my heart. i leave that to watch on Desperate Housewives. if you have earned MyTrust, you know you're truly loved. Thankyou-all of you know who youare.