PockyDays

a few months ago i was home, seeing my folks and my sister-a relationship that has always been about upmanship & competition, not about being family or being sisters. rather than attempting to patch up our distorted childhoods-something that after years of ignoring each others birthdays & major holidays, that looks impossible. it sad that we can't act like adults & establish some sort of communication. i recently saw "in her shoes" with a good friend of mine who also has sisters.

everyone is different-i recently noticed that paper media is focusing on how our society is using prejudices in many different ways. i am not a fan of oprah but recently bought her magazine(something that is completely out of the ordinary for me.) it was filled with some great stuff for the that favorite and stressful time year called the holiday season. we come up with ways of justifying how we think someone acts-the US vs. Them mentality. it has become a prevalent topic on seattle's rant/rave list; which has become a place for libel, character assassination & racism, sexism & any other ism. it's not so much a backlash, but it showcases how people justify their racist/prejudicial behavior; doing it on a server board diminishes their attitudes, my idea is that if you're using isms online you're also using them off line; although not as noticeable(like my toxic x who thought telling racist/sexist jokes where funny-not.)

after a drought in my wardrobe for a few weeks i decided to wear a short skirts with a pair of new boots i recently treated myself to. when i was sitting in my favorite chair in the coffee house this afternoon, i was called a whore. it's a term i have heard since high school, & it's usually used by people that a) i'd never date for obvious reasons or b)that traditional pua perception of me as Easy, i hate to say that this bastard was wrong on both- a coward (lacking those two manly things; balls/tact) i recently was shagged; nothing to brag about, as he lacked talent in that department, but alleviates my cabin fever, & mate hunting for a while.

as for the world of dating it's not something i like doing, i prefer unknowingly falling for someone- not because we do scripted/cliche dating but because we spend time together. sometimes that's all that it takes, i do like cliche dating stuff, but prefer the non-traditional date, i have had quite a few. i remember fondly meeting this sweetguy named M-in Latespring of 2001-we went rock climbing in a gym & he helped me move off vashon island. if you read this-know that i found you adorable. (blushing)

pocky is this great cracker that isn't shaped like one; i went down to my favorite store in the international district, treating myself to some asian treats. ate enough sushi for a month-downed it all with green tea, yum. what could be better? it was another beautiful rainless day...it's Winter & it's 54 degree's out; hence the skirtWeather-as we called it backEast. there's been change in my life lately-this inability to compromise my selfEsteem for people that treat communication as a non-essential component. i will not compromise myself if i feel uncomfortable. "in her shoes" touches on the how easy men think they can rape just because they bought you a drink @ a bar. acting like a pua without having Justify their behavior judging by the isms on craigslist is behavior they're Not responsible for. it's the convenience of the Us vs Them mentality. it's the idea of not being responsible for actions/behavior they have done, & are doing.

society has become this place where people's actions are something they blame on everyone else. i recently wrote about my newFound happiness. happiness that comes without feeling guilty for wakingup smiling, i no longer feel sad-& realize that love is not about codependence it's about having the ability to be honest with yourself. i had a great conversation with a teen on the bus the otherday; she was bright, funny-making the commuter bus usually filled with grouches pleasant. it's practicing not separating what i understand-what i don't. people come in all sizes, colors and i no longer believe in perfection; prince charming ended after i finished college-after a trail of brokenHearts.

i think my former lovers have taught me what i am willing to deal with and what i am not; it's the same with friendship. i had a great sleepover with a good friend-next day dismantled , assembled, sneezing- putting together computers for a non-profit. exhaustion i felt after volunteering was exhilarating, i also got to see what my work did for my friends workplace. we finished a great day with thai& a movie. i look @ relationships like this: how well does someone i am with handle my good days/bad days, as nothing ever runs smoothly. i'd like fall in love Again-but i have stopped looking, nor expecting. i am grateful for eachday that i wake up smiling, boy watching& flirting-i call it excuseFree living-it's fantastic..discovery, wonderful& splendid.(these words are currently overused by advertisers-have you discovered a brighter smile, yet?)