PomeGranates

sitting @ a woodentable last year, i sat peeling a pomegranate-silently peeling the skin, finding the seeds. although my background was buzzing, i sat in the silence of concentrating only what was Right in front of me; in the moment. pomegranate is a fall favorite of mine; thick skin, peeling away the layers to find the seeds. that are sour but worth the work.

when things got Ugly lastYear, pomegranate became a solace and my friend who brought them to me. it was calming to sit there peeling away skin, sorting seeds. one night i sat there and peeled one for 2 hours; it was the best 2 hours i had that week. it was liberating and calming. for me it is symbolic, this fantastic piece of fruit. when i see them my heartBeats quicker as i remember the layers and seeds i have found the last year.

it's kind of like desperate housewife sundays, the familiarity of characters, how twisted the plot is and how much it reminds me of cold, brooding houses and the competitive women that my mom shared our block with. up-manship, childish banter between adults(something that is still happening-and shows lack of sportsmanship.) competition, something that is thriving in Generation X. i see it at coffeeshops, whitepicket fences and sagging faces of convenience, that marriage still is for some.

i walked home from a great little grocer tonight, heard kids not listening to their parents about curfew; saw candles, warm houses where i could see love. i know i have come far the last year, but we're in a society of competition-i still feel like i am coming up short. nevertheless, i am not willing to settle because my nesting instincts are kicking in-they are.

i can feel it within the new walls of my apartment. i cravedirt, and oneday feeling small hands in mine and teaching myChild how much Fun it is to peel a pomegranate. telling my child why i am strongWoman and how i came to be that way; givingUp was not an option.