fingerPointing

Everyone makes mistakes—but that doesn't mean everyone should shoulder the blame, does it? Here, readers will learn the ancient art of evading, avoiding, or just plain dodging responsibility for any and all screwups that may occur (through no fault of their own, of course). Included are rules for passing the Big Ball of Blame, and time-tested techniques for ducking accountability, such as hiding, denying, changing the subject, and feigning illness. With this easy-to-follow guide, shirkers of every age will be able to pass the blame like a master politician in no time! from the Big Ball of Blame.

i open this entry with a quote i found recently; i was attempting to write this entry and came across it on the web. i think it portrays how we use blame as a self-serving mechanism; usually so we don't have take responsibility. it was something we passed off to each other, why take ownership when someone else can do it for you. blame is an uglyterm, politicians pass the ball from one party to the other when it's actually the originals parties fault; something i learned from a prolific & fab professor in college. companies blame sales on anything, gas prices, customers et al; of course the only way people can purchase is to have a job. something this economy has been lacking. rather than the government addressing the issue, that there are only service and manufacturing jobs, now that mcdonald's is a factory. since, when??

it also reminds of recent meeting where i was asked a charged question; that had no bearing on me because the second person in the interview after meeting me changed her mind. my composure remained stoic, myresponse diplomatic; i recognized the abrasiveness in her voice and her loaded question as a way to railroad me as a candidate. it was intentional, it was cruel and i left the interview heartless. why? because she was projecting anger-her anger onto me-something i recognized as soon as i left. it was blame, maybe she had a fight with someone on the way to meeting, maybe she hadn't been feeling god or love?? i have no idea?? i became a brunt for her blame.

projection is the psychobabble used to explain blame. blame can take many shapes-in my family it made me the blacksheep-i was made to carry the blame for my parents and sister. convenience of blame means that the party responsible doesn't have take emotional ownership of their own behavior. i have begun seeing my life through a different scope; that i have been carrying my x's inability to trust; something he made sure was my issue. he's one of the most talented actors and liars i havemet.

when he would forget to take his cellphone out of his car, or the call wouldbe dropped-itwas my fault. his friend i will call iago covered for him when he was seeing someone behind my back. during the two years i spent sucked into these lies my x attempted to make me accountable for. there's this saying that if someone else accuses you of cheating they're usually the once doing it. well,he began accusing me of cheating after 20 different women's names surfaced. i didn't have to look long-i found the names looking for stamps. he left his impulsiveness on his cell phone &in his knickknack drawer.

he made sure that this was my problem-he was an emotional, manipulative abuser. he began convincing me that his behavior was my fault=blame. i was so-called imagining the papertrail he had left behind. i have come to recognize this blame shifting; it was the same shifting that took place in my family. a pattern like the inside of jigsaw puzzle, each piece fit, and his behavior began to change, much the way a cheaters behavior changes as they become ingrained in keeping up appearances.

for anyone that has watched their lover begin deceiving and lying to them, as the lies began to build his behavior became more and more erratic; his anger more rapid. his blame adamant, he was not responsible!! if i went dancing once aweek i was accused of cheating with my friends; guys i view as brothers;i'd come to back to the apartment glowing from hugs to accusations. he'd pick fights-do anything to wipeaway my smile; he was insidiously jealous-jealousy he blamed me for. i'd end up in tears, he would treatme like crap, not being physical and pushingme away, the sameway he would pullme back in when it was convenient.

blame is convenient, it means the spotlight is off the person that is responsible; emotional abusers are actors worthy of oscars. their skills soo tuned that you start thinking you are theone responsible for what they do. i have come realize the last few weeks, i attempted to date but realize that my faith is gone. i think i sabotaged my dates on purpose-it was jumping into a pool and realizing that it was freezing; and not swimming fast enough to the ladder. i only have myself to blame; i wasn't ready. as for hunting for work, hopefully the futurewill be brighter??

i also realize that i am not ready for love-i am also not interested in looking anymore (internetdating is fratbar with a steepcover.)a goodfriend of mine and i spoke this past week&she told me she was running out of patience-with love. i told her i'd rather be found-there's something about being found. there's also somethingin finding yourself. alive beneath what others have expected youto carry.

i now know i am only responsible for me; i am not responsible for my x's fiance marrying someone else,& for the anger he spent twoyears projecting onto me. i am not responsible for my parents dysfunction i thought was normal, nor my sisters inability to accept that our childhood was not a fairytale.

she& i have not spoken for fiveyears; i have attempted to contact her, i recognize her need to demonize the victim that has become a survivor. the need of my x-who i was once thought was the love of my life attempt to destroy me now=blame. i will no longer carry their ball. i am not planningon becoming a politician-i don't want to teach destruction, i'd rather teach hope. hope that onlycomes from not carrying someone else's ball of blame.