stuMped

another monday hit the planet-and some things start easier than others, mine started with a planetery bang. this post is not about my morning it's about the space between, i realize that i make homeage to dave matthews as the song is the part we always seem to have pass us by in our relationships.

space between for me is the part where i connect to someone-with friends it's that bonding moment-with boyfriends it's usually the space after sex-& following through(many have not-and lost.) i watched a man i know i love-who is the only one in the past years to have stumped completely, uttering one symbol. you'll laugh-it's hi. this one syllable word, has changed my view of him greatly-it also allowed me something to allow space in to forgive.

i am sitting here listening to push the button by chemical brothers, i averaged nearly eight miles today and have had my daily espresso fix-no orange juice so this was a last resort. this is a small divergent tangent, i spent a year in europe after high school and most likely could've done more bad things than i did. i still look back at myself for not losing my virginity to a rugged norseman-when i was home. i was spoiled by a real out scene that lasted to the whee hours, and walking home around dawn.

back to topic i am attempting to write; space between for me has become space where there is no techno, no talking just me and someone else. i spent time with someone on sunday savouring this routine with him-we didn't go back to his place and shag, we spent a few quiet hours together. it was not something i was capable of a few years back. when i'd talk incessantly afraid of hearing my own breath.

today, two pasts collided within the same city block-it was surreal for me. seeing one man i once thought i loved, only to learn that he was more fixated on his past & grief to allow anyone else in. the other i had weeks of bliss that ended in fantastic & childish accusations. i now realize that the bliss i had with him--this isn't about second chances; he has stumped my heart. so, you're sitting there, wondering..well, it's that space i seek now, unexplainable space, we seek so much define in our relationships.

it's the moment you see someone and your knees go weak, and you feel like you're back in grade school in the hall& that certain person walks by and you blush from ear to ear. it's the space between; that is what we need to see, not the expectations of grandeur, love is not that. love is the simplest when we don't run but stand and take it-one breath and weak knee @ a time.