BEing creative

there's a new trend that has become soo hot to study that scientists at major universities are taking note-about lying. lying has now become a way for schools to get grants and funding, why you may ask. we can take small space trip back in time and look at four star papers like the new york times and other publications including the nation; to see reporters resorting to this type of behavior. i think it's sad that our society has become so baseless, that we fib soo much that my internet search led me to websites on how to spot liars to different action and watch dog groups.

i have seen this pattern in my life lately and with people i'd least expect it from; telling the truth is not rocket science but having your cake and eating too is selfish. just because you can't be honest is not cool. i spent years in a hole my father created for my family, covering his drinking, physical abuse and what actually took place at my house that neighbors didn't know. because i spent a majority of my life fibbing for my family; i have stopped. even when lying would be the easy way out. why don't i choose to lie because i have seen the sand castles, &carcasses of bad relationships strewn like confetti.

i had a guy that i fell in love last fall, we spoke about our relationship in terms of the right now and his poly lifestyle; because he was open to me about the way he acted and that he was interested in other women left me with little worry about. i have had other lovers that have chosen for one reason or another to not be honest with me, and it has hurt me deeply. because he was honest about being poly i didn't have any reason to worry when he flirted because it was out in the open. unlike, a former lover that thought tucking lies between his ears like cigarette's was the way to go. in the end our sand castle collapsed, because he would also openly flirt with women in public, turn it around and lie to me when he was confronted. he would use lines like "it was all in my head" when i saw him posturing sexually across a restaurant at another woman. lying has cues just like other things we humans do.

it ranges from posture, hesitation& lack of eye contact to fllipping the coin and blaming the accuser. this is often a typical behavior about people caught in a fib, along with rapid speech, fidgeting and change of voice. lying has obvious social cues, that corporations are taking notes on and has entered the court rooms around the country in some landmark cases. i think it's a negative way of being creative, but the wrong kind. the truth may be hard to swallow it usually is if the topic is difficult but lying means you have remember what you told person x and what you told person y. when a guy who has displayed physical interest or otherwise changes or turn a behavior around when i casually ask or re-states boundaries he is no longer adhering to i see it as a redflag. the gesturing and manipulation of intimacy is a way of not acknowledging the truth; or the feelings that may or may not be there.

for me being honest is the only way to be, it for ties along with another major milestone i hold until filled, trust. trust for me is as important as being honest. if a person choses to lie or choses to break my trust-i am no longer interested. i take it seriously for many reasons, not just my family but the wilderness survival class i was in, in high school. when you are attempting whitewater canoeing for the first time in category 4 rivers you have to have trust. my father taught me survival at an early age, and would always remind my sister and i how to get help. i grewup hiking and fishing on the interior lakes in northen norway, several hundred miles inside the artic circle. the summers where not warm, and there was plenty of close calls; my sister and i had to prepared and know how to get from one lake to the other. we averaged a turn-around hike over 15 miles in matter of twenty-four hours. the cabin we stayed at was a brisk hour from the train tracks and nearly 6 miles& the only way to get off the mountain. with the tundra being what it was, and yes i have seen black bears up close, close enough that we had scram across a valley so it wouldn't smell our fish. in the situations that trust is essential, most of us appear to have it, even on the doomed everest trip, people gathered together and saved each other. when they all came off the mountain-their stories varied because they where all different and the danger was gone. what i find sad about the lying trend taking place is that we are only beside each other when it matters, and as soon as the danger has passed we go back to lying.

the full moon of the last week has left a bitter taste in my stomach for a variety of reasons, i have been very intrigued and dumbfounded by peoples lack of tact. being honest has gained me lifelong friends, people i'd give body parts to if they where sick; it has brought me closer to people i thought i couldn't be and has forged a monumental change in my life. honesty shouldn't be condemned because people don't want be plain, i will be the first to agree that i think it can be hard to swallow, and that it can ruin relationships. if being honest causes you to lose to the things you actually care about why would anyone want to hurt someone in the first place by lying.